Match Report

Match Report - 25 Mar 2017, Leeds Modernians Football Club 1sts beat Kippax

My name is Ryan.

On Saturday I took a trip out to Kippax on a sunny March day for a Leeds Mods v Kippax promotion six pointer. I like playing football. Most of the lads who play in defence with me were told to get to the club early for a team talk. So were some midfielders. I was invited at the normal time. It soon dawned on me the manager, 30 year old Alex Pouncett, had decided on a wing back system that would perfectly suit me and not include me. My mates lined up:


Idiot Geordie Steve



Professor Plum

I looked to my left. I saw Paul Hrll, weighing in at 90 stone following a trip to see Daffy Duck. Artpy, who was showing his commitment to comic relief by turning into a bright red sphere upon stepping out into the sun. I looked to my right and I saw BT19, furiously retweeting Chloe Kardashians latest blog.

I watched the opening half of the game. I watched Xav excell as a wing back and thought 'I wish I could do that'. I watched Gillett as a wing back and thought 'I could do that'. I watched Steve Allen and Si dominate defensively and thought 'I wish Hurrell was still in Florida and/or would shutthefuckup'. I watched Claxton nosebutt his own teeth and send himself off for 20 minutes. I watched the midfield give the ball away 471 times. I watched Artkey actually become a tomato.

0-0. At half time I wrote a haiku

I wish I could play
Why don't they want me to play?
Hark now, woe be me.

I saw the second half, I was never asked to warm up. I looked at Ben, he had placed an accumulator. I looked at Artpy, he had placed himself in a jar, smothered himself in oil and labeled said jar 'sun dried tomatoes'. I saw Ian Walker swap with Gillett to play my ideal position. I saw the Mods start to dominate. I saw the Kippers hit the bar and post as Mar(t)y Lewis confidently left their shots. I saw Xav and Platten run riot. I saw 30 year old Alex Pouncett aimlessly hoof a ball in the air and The Rotherham Rock volley gloriously in off the post, 1-0 Mods. I saw the Mods show steel and grit and resolve in their new formation to hold out for the win. I saw Paul Hrrll try to skin a man.

1-0 Mods.

I am Little Brian. I am a Mod.

MOM - Xavier Baines

Kippax 0 - I Leeds Modernians Football Club 1sts ()

Name Goals Details
1 Matty Lewis  
2 Paul Hurrell  
3 Simon Oliver  
4 Daniel Jamieson  
5 Steve Allen  
6 Xav Baines  
7 Ryan Capitano  
8 Phil Gillett  
9 Danny Claxton   1
10 Adam Platten  
11 Callum Robinson  
12 Alex Pouncett  
13 James Lawrence Bell Warwick-Adkins  
14 Andrew Atkins  
15 Ben Turner  
16 Clive Smythe