Match Report

Match Report - 21 Mar 2015, Leeds Modernians Football Club 1sts beat Howden Clough


Robert Turner led his band of merry men to bottom of the league Howden Clough in what would look like a sure fire 3 points for most teams, but not always for Mods, who generally struggle against strugglers.

You never change a winning team, Mr. Turner did. With Paul Hrrll entertaining his wench and Declan Keaney due a start, a straight swap would have allowed a hoarding free line up. Unfortunately Mr Turner opted otherwise.

ML21 in goals

A MadDog at right back
The Good Lord Mellor at left back
Claxton and Jamieson at centre half

The Hoarder Pouncett came into the base of the diamond flanked by Hall and Gillett with former professional sportsman James Lee at the tip of the diamond and beyond.

Up front was Keaney and BT19

Jamieson was captain but Pouncett hid the armband and assumed duties.

The game started in a desperate manner. Looking like relegation fodder vs a team with nothing to play, much like it was. Some gentle Mods pressure saw Hall fouled wide right by the byline. What followed was abhorrent. Pouncett, showing levels of arrogance usually reserved for those with some talent, approached the ball at a strange angle and yes, crossed with his very week left foot. Straight into the 'keepers fists. Woe be me.

Pouncett's day, unfortunately did not bottom out there. A heavy but fair challenge saw our dearest leader hit the deck and squeal like a pig. From the pig like squeals he was omitting we knew something was very wrong. Pouncett's team mate and best man dashed from goals with a look of glee on his big face at the sounds of him squealing like a pig. "It's gone", squealed Alex, like a pig. There was clearly a protruding bone from Alex's ankle, a dislocation the wise Gillett observed. Turner disagreed, not only moving Alex's leg to pig like squeals, but also trying to rip the tape of his broken limb, causing Alex to squeal like a pig. An ambulance was summoned and Alex, lying prone under numerous coats was forced to watch one of the worst halves of football any pig could wish to see. He was replaced by James Lee's nemesis Joe Hebb.
Half time - 0-0.

The second half was only very marginally better and Mods were fortunate to not go behind when Gillett took a break from misplacing passes to BT19 to deflect the ball onto his own square post. Luckily for Howden Clough, Jamieson was feeling more generous. A long, aimless ball forwards was completely misjudged by the lumbering Scouser, presenting their forward with a simple one v one finish. Lobbing the ball over the deviant ML21. Another horrific individual error costing Mods a goal. One of the worst mistakes seen since Lewis v Stanley, or Lewis v Thornhill, or Lewis v Ilkley.

With the game getting away from Mods, Robert did the unexpected. Implementing a tactical change. Wilkinson went off to act very strangely on the sideline, Waz came on to make a 4-3-3 with Joe Hebb slotting to right back. Waz's impact was almost instant, after throwing his weight around a bit he broke down the right in what resembled a passing move. Waz stood a wonderful cross to the back post where Keaney evoked the memory of Declan of old. Towering to head home from point blank range. Albeit via his head and the underside of the bar. Game on.

Very few chances were created and the most likely man was having his quietest game for a long time California dreaming. BT19 drifted wide left when the right back came in to 'do' him. Ben squealed 'Megs' like a p..... Wrong person. Flicking the ball through the embarrassed defenders legs, Ben then played an outrageous no-look pass into Waz, who was fouled. BT19 stood ominously over the free kick. As he ran up the red faced full back kindly offered to fetch the ball for him. "Where from? The back of the f***ing net" replied the 46 goal striker as the ball flew into the top corner. Yet another outrageous display of finishing from the Mods talisman. 2-1.

Mods were seeking to see out the final 5 minutes. With just enough time for Damo to go temporarily deaf and not hear dozens if shouts of "head home" as he volleyed out of play deep in defence to invite yet another long throw. It was this type of play which possibly encouraged their players to label him a 'downy, spazzy, mongo in rugby boots' post game. Not the most PC of lads.

James Lee headed away bravely, for which he awarded himself mom and Mods had grinded out the win. With the last kick of the game ML21 just had time to ignore skippers orders and demand to take a free kick, which he proceeded to slice out of play.

Consecutive wins for Mods. Rare. But the overriding feeling post game was one of sorrow. Alex Pouncett will now miss a lot of football and his own stag do. A great Mod, a fantastic player and a deeply unpleasant man leaves a very big hole to fill. We wish him a speedy recovery.

As he lies in his hospital bed nursing a dislocated ankle and a broken bone, Alex is surely pining for private healthcare standards of comfort and treatment. The type of treatment the Conservative party may well seek should they come to power. Alex Pouncett is a Tory.










Robert Turner led his band of merry men to bottom of the league Howden Clough in what would look like a sure fire 3 points for most teams, but not always for Mods, who generally struggle against strugglers.

You never change a winning team, Mr. Turner did. With Paul Hrrll entertaining his wench and Declan Keaney due a start, a straight swap would have allowed a hoarding free line up. Unfortunately Mr Turner opted otherwise.

ML21 in goals

A MadDog at right back
The Good Lord Mellor at left back
Claxton and Jamieson at centre half

The Hoarder Pouncett came into the base of the diamond flanked by Hall and Gillett with former professional sportsman James Lee at the tip of the diamond and beyond.

Up front was Keaney and BT19

Jamieson was captain but Pouncett hid the armband and assumed duties.

The game started in a desperate manner. Looking like relegation fodder vs a team with nothing to play, much like it was. Some gentle Mods pressure saw Hall fouled wide right by the byline. What followed was abhorrent. Pouncett, showing levels of arrogance usually reserved for those with some talent, approached the ball at a strange angle and yes, crossed with his very week left foot. Straight into the 'keepers fists. Woe be me.

Pouncett's day, unfortunately did not bottom out there. A heavy but fair challenge saw our dearest leader hit the deck and squeal like a pig. From the pig like squeals he was omitting we knew something was very wrong. Pouncett's team mate and best man dashed from goals with a look of glee on his big face at the sounds of him squealing like a pig. "It's gone", squealed Alex, like a pig. There was clearly a protruding bone from Alex's ankle, a dislocation the wise Gillett observed. Turner disagreed, not only moving Alex's leg to pig like squeals, but also trying to rip the tape of his broken limb, causing Alex to squeal like a pig. An ambulance was summoned and Alex, lying prone under numerous coats was forced to watch one of the worst halves of football any pig could wish to see. He was replaced by James Lee's nemesis Joe Hebb.
Half time - 0-0.

The second half was only very marginally better and Mods were fortunate to not go behind when Gillett took a break from misplacing passes to BT19 to deflect the ball onto his own square post. Luckily for Howden Clough, Jamieson was feeling more generous. A long, aimless ball forwards was completely misjudged by the lumbering Scouser, presenting their forward with a simple one v one finish. Lobbing the ball over the deviant ML21. Another horrific individual error costing Mods a goal. One of the worst mistakes seen since Lewis v Stanley, or Lewis v Thornhill, or Lewis v Ilkley.

With the game getting away from Mods, Robert did the unexpected. Implementing a tactical change. Wilkinson went off to act very strangely on the sideline, Waz came on to make a 4-3-3 with Joe Hebb slotting to right back. Waz's impact was almost instant, after throwing his weight around a bit he broke down the right in what resembled a passing move. Waz stood a wonderful cross to the back post where Keaney evoked the memory of Declan of old. Towering to head home from point blank range. Albeit via his head and the underside of the bar. Game on.

Very few chances were created and the most likely man was having his quietest game for a long time California dreaming. BT19 drifted wide left when the right back came in to 'do' him. Ben squealed 'Megs' like a p..... Wrong person. Flicking the ball through the embarrassed defenders legs, Ben then played an outrageous no-look pass into Waz, who was fouled. BT19 stood ominously over the free kick. As he ran up the red faced full back kindly offered to fetch the ball for him. "Where from? The back of the f***ing net" replied the 46 goal striker as the ball flew into the top corner. Yet another outrageous display of finishing from the Mods talisman. 2-1.

Mods were seeking to see out the final 5 minutes. With just enough time for Damo to go temporarily deaf and not hear dozens if shouts of "head home" as he volleyed out of play deep in defence to invite yet another long throw. It was this type of play which possibly encouraged their players to label him a 'downy, spazzy, mongo in rugby boots' post game. Not the most PC of lads.

James Lee headed away bravely, for which he awarded himself mom and Mods had grinded out the win. With the last kick of the game ML21 just had time to ignore skippers orders and demand to take a free kick, which he proceeded to slice out of play.

Consecutive wins for Mods. Rare. But the overriding feeling post game was one of sorrow. Alex Pouncett will now miss a lot of football and his own stag do. A great Mod, a fantastic player and a deeply unpleasant man leaves a very big hole to fill. We wish him a speedy recovery.

As he lies in his hospital bed nursing a dislocated ankle and a broken bone, Alex is surely pining for private healthcare standards of comfort and treatment. The type of treatment the Conservative party may well seek should they come to power. Alex Pouncett is a Tory.




































Howden Clough 1 - 2 Leeds Modernians Football Club 1sts ()

Name Goals Details
1 Matty Lewis  
2 Steve Wilkinson  
3 Danny Claxton  
4 Daniel Jamieson  
5 Damien Mellor  
6 Phil Gillett  
7 Mikey Hall  
8 James Lee  
9 Ben Turner   1
10 Declan Keaney   1
11 Alex Pouncett  
12 Wasim Khan  
13 Joe Hebblewhite  
14 Robert Turner  
15 Mick Birch  
16 Clive Smythe  
17 Chris Roy  
18  
19  
20  
21