Match Report

Match Report - 04 Mar 2017, Leeds Modernians Football Club 3rds beat East Ardsley

The mods graced the beloved pitch at tinshill top this week, the gorgeous surroundings, the lovely weather and a good attitude - all the makings for a good day of football. However they were up against East Ardsley, a team known for their aggressive game plans, strong tackling, and a combination of about 16 teeth between them.

The 3rds lined up with a different squad this week, with people away getting pissed, others with neck injuries, etc etc. The team were as follows

GK: Cowie
RB : Flash
CB: Sweet chin Wilson
CB: Dan Bradford
LB: Scott Morrison
RM: Big Jim Kent
CM: Mikey Hall
CM: Paul Green
LM: Marcus Holder
ST: Wraith 'Wez' Nelson
ST: Hugoals

The best a man can get, Phil Gillett.
The absolute hero and utter legend Stu Astall.

With a strong lineup, the mods service crew watching on and the opposition turning up using a strange strategy of screaming war cries before the game, the ref arrived dressed as a Paul Green stunt double and the game was underway.

The game started as expected with a few wild challenges flying in for Ardsley, slightly scrappy start from either side until a Scott Morrison free kick picked out the real Paul Green (not the ref) rising like a salmon at the back post to head home. 1-0 mods.

Nothing else really happened to be honest after this, just two teams kicking a bag of wind around for a few minutes, until the one and only Hugoals got through and rounded the keeper to make it 2. This was a surprise to all baring in mind the previous result against this opposition, 2-0 mods.

With cries of 'What the fuck' and 'Fucking hell' and 'Fuck', East Ardsley started to up their game, kicking punching and even a chokeslam was spotted as they started to go mental. A simple ball over the top was lobbed over Cowie and they were back in it - 2-1.

East Ardsley non surprisingly picked up a few bookings early on as they got slightly mixed up between a football match and a WWE hell in a cell. Scott Morrison decided to take this upon himself with a rather lovely two footer just to let them know we weren't backing down. Bizarrely the Paul Green stunt double (ref) decided to give the Mods the free kick aswell as about 4725 other strange decisions in the half. This again prompted more cries of 'Fuck' 'Fuck Off' and 'Shut the fuck up' from the opposition. With a good solid first half performance from the mods particularly down the wing of Marcus and his mazy runs, the half was upon us and the mods led 2-1. HT.

The second half began with East Ardsley majorly pumped up after half time needles and crack with the usual cry of 'Fuck' still ringing around Tinshill Top. A few minutes in and An average shot from their striker bounced off the shiny bald head of Dan Bradford and fired into the mods net, nothing Cowie could do. 2-2.

Mods battled as the second half went on with more horrendous challenges and crazy decisions from the ref. Paul Green or otherwise known as 'scouse cunt' brought out the one liners to the opposition which seemed to anger them even more. 'Stop bullying him Waz' and 'This guy is a fucking clown' This made the opposition bring out their inner murderers and play their striker to slot past the keeper. 2-3.

Changes were made as 'Scouse cunt' and Flash came off, being replaced by Stu Astall and Phil Gillett, the best a man can get.

With the mods service crew watching on and spectators being sent to the stands, rugby tackles started appearing in the game as well as other various wrestling spectaculars. Ben Wilson decided to put himself into the action by using a Rikishi-like arse attack on the opposition strikers. However Moments later A deep Dan Bradford free kick floated onto the head of Phil, then some good work from Hugo allowed Waz to tap home. 3-3.

The battle of bellends carried on and Mods looked good all over the park despite attempts to be decapitated throughout the second half. A corner out of nothing was whipped in by Stu to knock some sense into an opposing defender and go into the roof of the net to give mods the lead with about 15 minutes to go. 4-3.

With Paul Green's stunt double (the ref) making more and more horrendous decisions, Mikey Hall decided to join in with him and play a perfectly timed pass - one any player would be proud of, into the path of the East Ardsley number 10 who was through on goal. Whilst mods players watched on helpless, the striker rounded Cowie but somehow put it into the side netting. This prompted Dan Bradford to bring out his inner Martin Keown by shouting 'Fucking come onnnnnn' and throwing the ball in the air like a raving lunatic.

Constant pressure came from East Ardsley as the end of the game approached, Cowie pulling off some fantastic one and one saves to keep the mods in it, but from a corner the opposing centre half managed to pick out a decent finish and equalise once again. 4-4.

The game was getting feisty as time went on and with more cries of the only vocabulary of the opposition of 'FUCK' mods looked good despite conceding again. Dealing with the pressure defensively well, Sweet Chin Wilson hacked the ball 346ft in the air up the pitch to clear the ball.

Then the magnificent happened.

With about 2 mins to go, Hugoals fought off lions, bears, tigers and now an east ardsley full back to win the high ball and bring it down well. He got past him with relative ease and from around 20 yards put it past George Doors and into the corner. Queue the crazy celebrations.

The service crew were jumping with joy, the whole squad sprinting to celebrate with Hugo, and Paul green practicing for some sort of Strictly come dancing audition on the sideline, mods had took the lead with time running out and well deserved it was too. 5-4.

What a goal and what a result. 5-4 Mods.

The game finished and Mods still managed to keep all their legs feet toes and other body parts still in tact, knowing that they had battled brilliantly to beat top of the league East Ardsley. 'Scouse cunt' was the phrase still ringing round Tinshill top but the mods didn't care. Fantastic scenes.

MOM - Marcus Holder

Leeds Modernians Football Club 3rds 5 - 4 East Ardsley ()

Name Goals Details
1 David Cowie  
2 Jimmy Griffiths  
3 Paul Green   1
4 Ben Wilson  
5 Dan Bradford  
6 Simon Blake  
7 Marcus Holder  
8 Stuart Astall   1
9 Hugo Sach   2
10 Phil Gillett  
11 Scott Morrison  Scott Morrison Yellow card
12 James Kent  
13 Mikey Hall  
14 Wraith Neilson   1